Sales at GAP or Burlap Sacks?

Pics are all from the historical files, showing some of the tamer fashion statements the Cockrofts have modeled over the years. There is one guy here who is not a Cockroft but is part of my family. Can you suss the dude out? Hint: he's not wearing make-up. The man wearing make-up IS a Cockroft.

Well, folks, we took the man shopping.

As you might remember in "Bad Button Philosophy" (scroll down for the down-low), we last left our hero Martin in desperate need of cargo pants.

So a week ago, we tried Kohl's. I told Martin to go browsing and I'd take the kids so he could look in peace. Am I totally the spouse of the year? Heh, heh. We walked down the gleaming aisles, full of well-dressed, preoccupied people. Kohls, enchanted place: the smell of perfume and new clothes, posters of buff dudes in jeans and perky women in corresponding perky clothes seemingly comfortable with their own perkiness. We the Cockroft girls: a motley assembly. Merry had two shades of green on (I had encouraged her to go with a different color on bottom but Martin said Really? I kind of like it, so I was voted down--so, two shades of non-matching greens and blue and pink striped socks with pink-and-leather shoes. Sometimes socks don't matter, but these socks were the kind of socks that yelled: HEY! WHATZUP, MAN! WE ARE SOME LOUD FOOTWEAR AND WE LOOOVE IT. JOIN THE STRIPED PARTAY! BYOB!

I really try to stick to my values: if you are neat and tidy, clothes shouldn't matter. My internal counsel: If the kids want to dress themselves, honor their self-expression and show of independence. Go with it. Don't make what isn't a big deal into a big deal! There are many times I've been tempted to go back on this philosophy, to MAKE a big deal out of a little deal, to put a paper bag over my head as I walk beside certain outfits on my daughters. I've been through the fashion fire: Merry's bag lady outfits (layers of sweaters, big socks, three or four patterns together, topped by a bonnet and finished off by big, brown shoes; Elspeth's ridiculously fancy party dresses or little tutus. . .you name it, I've swallowed whatever pride I have left and gone out with these children, though I must say, during the course of a day, I usually inject this seemingly off-hand comment into a conversation: "[Insert daughter's name here] dressed herself today!"

I know it's silly. After all, I am the thrift store queen. I am the super-excited kid because I get to explore the "we-keep-this-special-room-for-missionary-kids" with a garbage sack to fill with treasured hand-me-downs. I never bought myself a stitch of clothing until I went back to the US in college where I'd go through piles of clothes the other college girls discarded at the end of the year. I'm proud to say it: I like recycling clothes. It makes economic, spiritual, and personal sense to me. I've always liked clothes and looking nice but I've never been one to spurn a cast-off. I hate shopping for certain things: jeans and bras are the pits. I never even knew my own bra-size (I'm not sure I could tell you now, as a matter of fact) since my dad did all the shopping for my 'brassieres,' as he called them, on his frequent trips back to good old America. When an bridal store employee was helping me try on wedding dresses, she asked me my bra size and I had to admit I had no idea what it was.

But those socks of Merry's--well, they were like our old rusty Honda. A fabulous car in the middle of hippie-town, Montana, but in Houston? Well, it looked a little out of place. I hadn't cared a whit about the car as long as it ran but during a year in Houston I started to become increasingly aware of its shabbiness. An ugly side to myself, I must admit: the side that, contrary to every belief I hold dear, actually cares what perfect strangers think! And shiny department stores and malls and all those places filled with such perfect treats make me want things I never knew I wanted. Ah hah! Ralph Lauren striped bedspreads! This could make my life oh, so much better! Bright bowls painted with Mexican-inspired patterns! Ice-cream would taste so much better out of that festive dish. Sparkling kitchen tools I never knew existed. Scented candles in endless molds and jars, untouched rugs stacked in perfect symmetry and dazzling hues--MINE could be the FIRST FEET on that there rug! I am now trembling with desire to buy those flower/stripe/solid socks. Are you with me? Are you?

Well, if you know what I mean, I have the cure: SHOPPING WITH CHILDREN. They will make you imminently practical and quickly convince you that you never want to be in a store again. Take, for example, the trip to Kohl's and my generous offer to Martin. Everything was fine while we were browsing the smallish toy section: obnoxious plastic things that make loud noises. Princess books. Barbies in clear plastic sheaths. Fine, fine, fine. No, honey, these things live here. Put it on your Christmas list! Save your money! Etc. Etc.

And then I made the fatal error--I headed to women's clothing to look over the clearance rack. Accompanied, remember, by Merry in her loud socks, Elspeth cloaked in energy, and Bea, for whom the novelty of the shopping cart seat and the obnoxious talking book I'd snagged had WORN OFF.

I cannot tell you exactly what happened in those moments as I put my hands on the 60%Off rack. Impressions include: children in and out of clothing, maniac giggling, my own temperature rising, possible and probable arguing and accusations, and to top it all off, a colossal WHACK to my left shoulder from the lethal edge of the clothing racks. Then there was a woman disgracing herself, smashing small female children back into the shopping cart, and plowing down the aisles like a speed-demon, Sock-girl trailing behind.

We left the air-conditioning and emerged from the swinging doors, bruised, baffled, and oh-so-happy to be leaving the bright lights of Kohl's behind. As I strapped the children into our disheveled, scratched, dirty, full-of-miscellaneous-junk, beloved car, I said to myself like a mantra, "the life of the mind!"

Give me books. Give me writing. Give me music. Save me, save me, from shopping malls.

And what did we score from this experience? Two puzzles. One shirt for Martin, on sale, brown stripe. It looks good on him. I gained a sore shoulder and a renewed commitment to scholarship. All in all, a profitable shopping trip.

PS. For those of you who are aware that I took the girls back-to-school shopping this Saturday, let me tell you: it was delightful. Tiring but delightful. Martin took the two little ones while Merry, her friend, C, and I hit the changing rooms at the outlet malls. I was pleased with the outcome. Martin, on the other hand, was so sweaty from charging around after Elspea and Bea at the outdoor mall that he and I could barely stand to smell him that night. Martin gained: one pair of corduroy pants from GAP. On sale. Tell me, is it worth it? Or should we all be wearing standard-issue burlap sacks?

Initiation

Summer Fairies
Merry, Elspeth, J, and L, painted for a play early this week. Merry made them up with Magic Marker. Elspeth kept the I've-got-a-BAD-cold-bags around her eyes for a day or so until the pink finally came off.
A ripening quality to the light at 7:30 just hints that autumn is not far away, but everything else this evening hums with summer. Humidity trembles in the air, parents pushing strollers pass by our yard, a slight breeze falls from the ceiling fan.

After a wonderfully cool Wednesday, today was, as Beatrix says, a "hot summa day." A perfect morning for raspberry muffins, peaches from a local orchard, and a gazillion kids going down the slip 'n slide.

Today we added five more children as we welcomed two new women to our weekly parent group. Newly from Michigan, they're adjusting to the pace of life in our little corner of Pennsylvania-almost-West-Virginia, just as we did almost six years ago. I hope they come to love these green, thrumming hills as much as I have.

Meanwhile, we subjected newbie M to the initiation rites of Wazoo: either a wagon ride or a slip 'n slide down the Grand Hill. "But I have no swimming suit!" she objected, wrapping her sweater more tightly around her, shivering though there were no winds.

"No matter!" we mothers shouted. My friend S started to wave a fist in the air. T, who had to go down the hill blindfolded five years ago on a rusty RadioFlyer wagon, chuckled deep in her throat. "Let the woman slip 'n sliiiide," she drawled, pounding on her wooden leg (she lost it on what we refer to as the "wazoo incident").

The children howled like wolves.

Finally, faced with the prospect of losing such groovy friends, M gathered her courage, grit her gleaming white teeth, and slid.


*Here is an alternate telling of this tale: In response to an off-hand comment about the mothers sliding, M got up from her chair, cool as a cucumber, and slid, fully clothed and in the sight of Motheren and Children. I thought it was rather jolly and a good show.

My Brain is Getting Jiggy With It

We ate blueberry and raspberry muffins for dinner (that's all we ate for dinner so far). Martin and I ate three a piece. As a family we demolished almost one dozen. Beatrix blew into her chocolate milk until it was nothing but brown bubbles. She accomplished this by concentrating hard and humming as she blew.

Promises of rain for days now. No rain and the garden is out of control. Mint and thyme and oregano and lettuces are bolting for the door. Weeds run rampant, or frolic cheerfully, depending on whether your glass is half-empty or half-full.

I suddenly remembered our kitchen counters are maroon. I'd forgotten. It was bliss to forget.

Today I could not tell someone less than a mile away how to get to my house. I could also not remember my telephone number. My friend asked me if I were pregnant. OOOOO, no. Just a fuzzy brain. Or an echoing brain. Or a jiggy brain. There's so much grooving between my lobes there's no room for mundane details. . .like my phone number or the kids' date of birth. I actually have to take their birth certificates out of the lock-box when I fill out forms. I am not joking.

Today I told the kids if they didn't stop arguing with each other, I'd cut off their heads. I said this with a big smile on my face. (Too many pirate movies). A bit later, Elspeth grinned and said, "Mommy, I don't like it when you're silly."

Louisville Review has accepted one of my poems. Happy me.

Martin has been playing "Fox in the Snow" by Belle and Sebastian on the piano for three or four weeks now. I like this song but the repetition may just get me in the end. Of course, I always sing it with a lisp because that's what the singer does on the CD. He is British and lispy and I think he's grand.

Big, Bad Button Philosophy

Late this morning Martin disappeared upstairs for fifteen minutes and reappeared bearing a load of clothing. "There!" he said, and sat down and started to write a list.

I looked at the pants and shirts draped over a dining room chair. I knew why they were there--they were pending discards. I started to ask questions. "What's wrong with your cords?"

He looked up from his list. "I've had them for years. They don't even stay up on my waist any more."

"And what about that shirt?"

"It's tired."

"Oh. And these pants?" And so it went (with constant interruptions from Elspeth in the kitchen, where she and Merry were writing 'books': "How do you spell SLEEP? GIRL? WILL?").

Finally Martin looked up from his list and let me have it: "I've had the same clothes for years. That pair of pants rides so low on my hips I constantly think they're going to fall down. I feel like you're grilling me."

"I'm not grilling you," I said (you be the judge.) I had to admit, I did fondly remember the tan cords as being from our honeymoon. In fact, I think that Martin wore them out past the shower of birdseed to the 'getaway' car that December eleven years ago when we started our new life together--and he'd worn them constantly every winter after that. Still, they looked pretty spiffy to me. And a loose waist--well, pishaw, isn't that what belts are for?

Martin stared across the table at me. "I know you're thrifty," he said, "But I really need some new clothes. That's why I'm making this list. My heavy cargo pants are full of holes."

I didn't point out that a few holes here and there only facilitate air movement, which is healthy for the skin. That's what tiny safety pins are for, anyway. My purse strap and my favorite sundress are two examples of very clever safety pin placement. (Sorry, Mom, I know you're cringing--That's hilly-billy stuff and Don't air your dirty laundry are the two key Mom phrases that just echoed in the recesses of my brain. See? I remember.)

Besides, I do make an effort now and then to avoid safety pins. Right before we went to Hershey a few weeks ago, I felt a wave of goodwill wash over me (family in the house, a lot of chips, coffee, and ice-cream) that prompted me to mend one of Martin's favorite pair of pants for him. It was a daunting task--to replace a button (he, he, I am not kidding) but I bravely persevered, found a button that looked just right and searched through several boxes and catch-alls until I finally found a needle in Merry's sewing kit. And then I double-threaded the eye and sewed that puppy on. No way was it coming off. I felt so pleased with myself and I just knew Martin would be overwhelmed by my prowess as a seamstress.

He was so very pleased and surprised. I could feel my heels high rising under those figurative June Cleaver pumps as I watched his grateful face. In our hotel in Hershey, he pulled those pants up past his thighs and went to button them--hmm. Something was wrong. He tried to be appreciative, commenting hesitantly, "It's just that the button is a little big for the hole."

"No way," I said. "I tried it and everything." Which was just the tiny bit of an exaggeration, since I hadn't exactly pushed it through the hole. I'd more just lifted it up next to the hole and surmised in a quick, intelligent calculation that it was the perfect size. Knowing that I was stretching things, I turned seamlessly to the next tactic--shifting the blame--and added, "It was in your little dish with your coins." Had Martin pressed on in his queries, I would have said next, "Well, you can just sew on your own buttons from now on," which would have ended the argument somewhat ridiculously, since I don't make a habit of sewing on his, mine, or the girl's buttons. (Come to think of it, Elspeth has been wearing a dress with two buttons missing from the back for about a year now. When people point this out, I feign surprise or an easy-going acceptance of life's little hiccups.)

But instead of pressing the point, Martin just buttoned up. By this, I mean he bent over almost double. His face turned two shades of purple. But he got that sucker through the hole, darn it. It seemed to me that the waistline was pulling in his stomach like a draw-string bag, but he insisted that one didn't notice the button-defect until one tried to get the pants off--

which, during a haphazard dash to retrieve a runaway Beatrix out of our hotel door while trying to fasten his pants, resulted in a rather large abrasion on his shoulder, where he listed heavily into the doorframe. Later that night, after he fell asleep prematurely and awakened later in the night and wanted to slip off his clothes for a better night's sleep, he almost rolled off the bed in his efforts to push that mammoth button back out of the hole.
Martin wearing the Bad Button pants at the Hershey kiss 'Pretend You're a Factory Worker' demonstration (I am not joking--you package the kisses and then you have to pay money to buy the kisses you have just sealed in a box). Martin looks good, doesn't he? That's because of the prowess of the button-sewer. BTW, there's my saftey-pinned purse. Can't tell, can you?

The last morning in Hershey, as I was collecting clothes to go home, I pointed impatiently at his pants in a heap on the floor. "Your pants are on the FLOOR," I said, which is a bad, sorry thing I've done for many, many years: stating the obvious to assign blame.

"I know," he said. "That's where I finally got them off last night after trying forever to get the button undone."

I would like to point out, just for the record: This bad button job that I did, this struggle this good man has to go through every time he wears these pants, has not stopped him from wearing them. Nor, I'd like to add, has he pulled off the button and sewn on another one. I can guarantee it, and I'd put money down this very minute, that these pants will go the next eight years with this offending brown button, and when some sorry sap finally pays $2.50 for them at Goodwill in 2016, they will have to bend double to get the button through the hole. Though, by then, time will have done its magic, wearing the hole so wide that the button will seem as if it always fit, as though it were always there. It WILL still be there, attached by my very strong stitches, since in this effort, as in most, I adhered to this philosophy: If you're going to do something wrong, may as well go all-out and do it with a full heart.

That's the big, bad button philosophy. I hope it is one you will take with you this week.

Everyone's Gone

Tonight, at 8:30, sitting in the dining room, three out of five lamps shining, feeling slightly guilty because Martin is upstairs with the girls and I stayed below under auspices of finishing the vacuuming. . .tonight, this is what I hear:
Three fans whirring, one at my back, the wind picking up strands of my hair and blowing them around my eyes;
The ticking and spinning of an insect choir outside in the walnut trees and raspberry brambles. The leaves of the philodendron on the piano lift and fall as the oscillating fan whirs its white head around to nod, the orange and black wallhangings from India lift, elephants, peacocks, and all. Up ahead, I hear the pound of little feet and down below I hear my fingers clicking on the keys, a gentle rainfall to the thunder up above.

And. . .now, suddenly, here's Bea on my lap, her bare thighs warm and her hair smelling of bedtime; Martin's calling, his voice muffled as it threads down the stairs and into the roar of the fans. Bea looks up for a kiss--she's restless--and here are the other two girls, Elspea squeezing my arm, Bea pushing her away--Two seconds, I'll be right there! And Merry, book in hand, paces the room, chanting, ONE, TWO! ONE, TWO!

The sounds of my family are small compared to the symphony of company. . .but a "quiet house?" (Elspeth just rolled off a chair.) Never.

Holiday Part Two: Martin's Family

Mix a little time in the garden, a slip 'n slide, barbecue, a two-day trip to Hershey, a lot of cards, a little poker, a lot--and I do mean an obscene amount--of ice-cream, a good deal of conversation, pancakes, french toast, sweet children who love chocolate and night-time books

. . .simmer slowly for two weeks; douse with a ridiculous amount of laughter and flavor, to taste, with silliness

. . .and you've got a good holiday with Martin's family.


Oh, yes, and the zoo and Ohiopyle!



Did I mention the strollers?

The weariness that sets in with six children,

and then the wonderful evenings nobody takes for granted: the evenings filled with high-fat foods, games, laughter, and adults and decaf coffee, until everyone realizes that the little ones will be up no matter how many hands of Hearts you might have left in you, and then around twelve or so, someone groans and says, "Oh, guys, I have GOT to go to bed. . ."

I am in the envious possession of really lovely in-laws whom I love to spend time with. Tonight I was explaining to my exquisite niece, Isabella (who even dressed in soccer cleats and shin guards, looks like an Asian princess) that before she was born, her mom and I were good friends who did really fun things together, like play games and swim. . .SO, I concluded, I bet I can get your mom to go on the slip 'n slide with ME. (Why do children always assume their mothers are so "old--" Isabella's objection to why her mother would not go on the slip 'n slide, and the same one, I'd like to point out, Merry gave when explaining why she was embarrassed to have me attend a school function: "It's just that you're so much OLDER than the other mothers," she said, and then the next evening, after a heart-to-heart conversation, she took my face affectionately in her hands and crooned, "You look SO much older than thirty-two, Mommy. You look at least forty-two!" and proceeded up to bed. Wha??? Wait a second? Am I thirty-two or thirty-three? Help.)

Anyway, being with good family and friends makes me feel as young as I am, and I love goofing off with Caroline and Martin like we're all in college again. . .which we were. And not that long ago, either! Before YOU were born, we tell the kids, to which they respond with a dismissive sigh. Silly us. A time when they were not yet born never existed, and if it did, it must have been a very sad time indeed.
Jacob
Lily
Isabella
Well, not a sadder time, we could say, a happy time in itself and in so many ways, a much more carefree time. But a holiday these days without the sparkle and clang and patter of children? No, thank you! Am I really an aunt to six wonderful children? These children of my sister and sister-in-law, these children who will bend into me for a hug, resting their heads on my shoulder in absolute trust, children who will ask me to read to them and give me sneaky little smiles. Lucky me!

All thanks to Martin's Dad who took all the pictures in this post! No camera--now, that's a holiday!

Summer Holidays Part One: Kim's Family

The youngest member of the Long clan, my gorgeous niece, Eliora, trying on the Elton John glasses in the doorway of Wazoo Playhouse: A treasure hunt brought all six cousins together (ending in a pinata hid underneath the forsythia bush). Here in front of Wazoo Playhouse: Drumroll please. . .the homemade slip 'n slide! My brother-in-law Luke, and Martin, fashioned it out of industrial plastic, duct tape, and pool noodles for the 'speed bumps' at the bottom. Everyone went down, including my mother, who, after her first trip down the hill, sprang up, covered in grass, laughing, and bounded back up to the top, whooping with joy. Here, Heather shows us how it's done:
The whole ride ends for adults in a roll in the grass. The cousins got more and more intrepid:
.
The babies found tamer entertainment than the slip 'n slide:

And we found a peaceful corner in the back of the house for outdoor bathing--hot and cold water, mind you, bubblebaths by the trees and showers in the open air!


Here's a little section of my mother's thank-you e-mail: It may be a while before you have a chance to check email, but I wanted to drop a note to say what a wonderful vacation it was at your place! Every day was precious; Dad and I loved sleeping in the shed, the creek and fishing, the slip and slide, the babies in the pool, meal at night outside, fabulous trip to Deep Creek, card games, lovely breakfasts by Martin, watching the children together. What a week!. . .It was magical and the stuff of memories for years to come. > Sunflower Cottage (aka, the shed), where my parents slept in undisturbed slendor:
Lots of wine, cheese, chips, cards, and conversation:


We all had important summertime jobs. Here, Martin with a corncob:

And Luke with the fly swatter, defending Wazoo Farm and its eaters from natural preditors:

Oh, summertime, family, sunshine, food. What a grand combination.

Across the Bridge at the Pittsburgh Zoo

I am downloading this video to make a dad happy--namely, the father of my sister-in-law's sweet girls and little boy. (It's out of order chronologically.) The kids walking across the bridge are wonderfully intrepid together, and the zoo itself is the best zoo I have ever experienced. There are no depressing, dreary cages--the zoo is landscaped beautifully, meandering over hills and around bends. The animals are healthy and seem happy in their lush, spacious habitats. Everything is clean and family-friendly and the tone of the place is most definitely one of respect to the world and environmental awarness.

My favorites include watching the elephants take their showers; listening to the proud, Hemingwayesque (ie., very full of himself) lion roar; watching the kids climb under a glass tunnel full of stingrays (the aquarium was too crowded this particular day for that); eating our picnic outside with a strutting peacock, and enjoying the polar bear, the penguins, the sea otters, and the sea lions romping about with their toys in the water (all in separate tanks, of course!) Martin even got to walk under the huge glass tunnel while the polar bear swam over his head, digging at the water with his immense paws. Fantastic!

Tougha Customers, No?

Outside, the perennial hibiscus are the size of plates. Inside, Bea is just down for a nap, exhausted by our morning bakery/shopping expedition. Downstairs, the cousins are assembled with bowls of noodles and sauce, and Grandmama is singing them "Italian songs" to get them to eat--Sole Mio, I hava you here to eata my spaghetti, you are so beeeautiful. . .To which they objected that she was singing in English and not Italian. Well. Tougha customers, no?

Here's a bit from Martin's e-mail to his dad:
Yesterday, Merry and Josiah caught minnows all day in the creek and insisted they be allowed to make "fish stew." So, grudgingly, I dumped the little guys in boiling water, chopped their heads and tails off, and put what was left into a broth the kids helped me make. We all ate some, but after, Merry said she didn't like feeling the bones between her teeth, and felt sick about seeing the fish swimming and now eating them.

Immm. Fresh fish stew. We convinced Merry and her cousin Josiah to make a habitat for the minnows and crawdads today instead of serving us all (I sloshed some of my minnow stew in the wiegelia bushes, Aunty Heather shoved some of hers through the deck boards, Mom lay awake last night with a slightly roiling stomach and thought in detail about the minuscule bit of minnow she ate pre-hotdog for supper and Josiah pronounced it was very delicious.)

Good times.

Good Things

Playhouse two days ago--now we've put up all the walls!



It's almost ten and Martin is still out, wrapping things up--literally--due to the 10to 20 percent chance of rain. Two coats of paint on the french doors, shed floor painted, two out of three floors of the house cleaned: that catalogs my accomplishments for the day.

My sister, her three kids, and my mother arrive tomorrow night; some days later my father and brother-in-law join us. We are going to be ready to party! Now if only we can get the gazillion things done that are left before they arrive at suppertime!

pics

Camel & lavander

Elspea picking peas


NO time to write except to say: toothpaste takes off sticky, ill-mixed paint! That, an an industrial strength brush on your skin WILL take even the most foul paint of your skin!