Blog Archive

Saturday, February 25, 2012

On Thursday, I walked home from Sally's house through an unusually warm, beautiful afternoon. The sun illuminated the roofs of the University on the hill and the earth smelled warm, of thawing and early spring. The first robin I've seen in months hopped toward a round carpet of delicate white snowdrops. Beatrix ran up and down hills that I have come to know so well.

Earlier that afternoon, Sally and I had been raking leaves away from her bulbs, clipping back a bush already studded with pink buds. Bea and her buddy, Will, ran around the yard, yelling to each other, making a muddy hill covered with sycamore sticks. They have known each other since Will's birth three years ago. Sal and I have known each other like sisters through many years. In many ways, she is my link to the wider community of Greene County; she is my thread to her fine family, whom she shares with me generously, but more importantly, she has been my sister through the many happinesses and griefs of the past years, one of many dear friends here who have brought us so much joy.

Finally we reached home; the bus whined by and Elspeth and Merry burst in the door. Shortly after their arrival and the flurry of snacks and school news, the mail carrier arrived and rang the doorbell. "Certified letter for you," she said.

I signed the form. "Isn't it a lovely day?" I asked, and she agreed.

We met Martin out on a little bricked street not far from our house, where we extended our walk through the warm afternoon. Elspeth and Bea ran ahead down the broken sidewalk. Martin told me about his day; we discussed how, despite its many imperfections, this place where we live is a good place, full of beauty and grace.

At home I handed him the envelope from the University, where he has unconditionally poured his energy, love, and thought for the last almost seven years. He slit the envelope and pulled out one piece of paper. There was a moment of silence as we stared at the letter. Martin looked up at me with stunned eyes. "I was not granted tenure or promotion," he said.

In that moment, our entire reality shifted, almost as if the room had comically swung around in a full circle. It was the singular feeling that I have experienced only a few times in my life: the sudden shattering of what you hoped was certain, the entrance of a new and unwelcome reality.

For those of you who are not familiar with academia, this letter means that Martin will be employed at the University for one more year. After that, we are cut loose.

In the past day, we have reeled with the new reality of our situation. We have felt upset but mostly we have felt deeply grieved, faced now with the very likely conclusion of our time here: a sudden move, the uprooting of our children from people they have known since birth, or for Merry, since she was two; the departure from a community that we have tirelessly invested ourselves in. There are many things that we weep for.

But we are overcome by gratitude for the support of our community, both here and elsewhere. Martin feels support from his colleagues; we can't get into the details of the situation, but suffice it to say that Martin does not feel betrayed by anyone whom he deeply trusted, and so the sense of betrayal is small and much easier to forgive; betrayal by those whom you trust and love is shattering and that, mercifully, we have been spared in every respect.

Martin and I both reflected that this past 30 hours has been much like being at your own funeral, annointed by the love of many good people. Martin's job may have been taken from him, but the things that really make us who we are--our family, our vision and convictions, the many threads of love from so many people--these things nobody can ever take from us, not really, because they are held by God's hands, and in that place, we are truly safe.

Last night, Sally saw Luis, Nancy's oldest son, at the grocery store. "Did you hear about Uncle Martin?" he asked her. "I'm going to do what I can for him," he said, "Because he's family."

What more could we ask for? Family, near and far, surrounding us with the currents of their love. We are more grateful and humbled than we can express.

15 comments:

uncle Dino said...

Your Mom gave us the news yesterday.
We are furious, but I understand completely and "feel your pain", having had similar experiences in my working life. Ariel has also encountered Twits in high places already in his military career.
At least you have time to prepare. I got a Monday morning phone call upending our world, at the age of 56 to boot.
Perhaps you limit yourself by only thinking of academia.
You both have extreme talents in writing. Something you can do with only a high speed modem in your home office. Companies also need PR and media experts. There may be one just around the corner. You are networked in your lovely town. Something will come up, and you'll be better off than you are now!
And if it is meant for you to relocate ( I hate the thought of that, but other people elsewhere may need your family too) NC/SC and VA are chock full of Colleges and Universities, with many small liberal arts schools. There are a half dozen or so within two hours drive of us.
You've written for App State, Ariel's fine Alma Mater. Maybe come up with not only a Plan A, but B, C etc.
Our prayers are with you.

uncle Dino said...

And a footnote, A Pox on the creep who did this to you with a cold, lifeless letter.
Too much of a spineless weasel to face you, man to man and give you the news with some human compassion.
No doubt the party was too guilty, and embarrassed to do so.
A recent George Clooney movie whose name escapes me was about that very subject. Companies too lacking in humanity to fire their employees one on one, he was a corporate expert who did that on their behalf as a living.
Might be worth a look see right now.

Kimberly Long Cockroft said...

Uncle Dino,
Thank you for your support. Though this is very sad for us, we do not feel angry. . .we are young and we have energy. I can't imagine how hard your path must have been the morning you received your phone call. We are grateful for loving family and friends!

Amy Phillips said...

I'm with Uncle Dino on not limiting yourself. I get the sense--from your writing, from being in your home--that you have indeed "settled," and in the best sense of that term. In OC, where we met, you had, in a few fell swoops, created instant and lasting community around you, but your present situation is something different. You are very rooted there. One part of you has been pulled up, but the rest seems to be flourishing. Don't rule out staying.

And I'm sorry. So sorry this happened.

Unknown said...

Kim,
Nothing makes sense; everything is turned upside down. You are so right in saying tha

t you two have it all, and, as always, your heads and hearts are in the right place.

This is such a loss for his colleagues, but so much more so for his students. I'm so very sorry.
Jill

Kimberly Long Cockroft said...

Jill,
"Turned upside down." Yes. It feels very much that way.
If and when we leave, we'll be so sorry to go. Thanks for your kind words and for your support.

Kimberly Long Cockroft said...

Amy,

Looks like there's a job at NC in OC. Wouldn't that be ironic? But no fun without you there, cooking curry at your stove with your little boys running around with Merry.

We ARE rooted here. We LOVE being here and we love our community here. But we may not be able to stay. And then we'll have to love this place and a new one.

Greg Scheer said...

It all makes me very sad.

kenwheelerfive said...

Kimberly,
Just heard about your situation. I'm so glad your Mom is visiting you coincidentally; it will be a timely suave. Wish we were there to support.

May I have your email so I can send a note? Thanks

Please send to kenwheelerfive@gmail.com

Amy Phillips said...

Wow. OC. Wow! Wow.

Meredith said...

I am so sad for you and Martin and your girls. The pain of such a sudden and unexpected and cowardly act is raw. You are much in my prayers as you sort out the next steps for your family. Meredith Joss (Lindsay's mom)

Anonymous said...

Meredith,
Thank you. It is so good to feel upheld by lovely people. We wish we could have a good cup of tea with Tim & Lindsay and talk it all out. . .if only we could wrinkle space a little and zip over to MT.
Kim

Anonymous said...

Greg--Thanks. It makes us sad too. But we are blessed to know so many wonderful people, from so many places and times in our lives.
Kim

Anonymous said...

Kim, this is unbelievable. That this news arrived by mail is so cruel and cowardly that I can't stand to think about it. I have never heard of tenure decisions being communicated that way. It absolutely always must be face-to-face. That wouldn't of course have changed the news, but it would have allowed space for questions, explanations, expressions of support during a difficult time, etc. Is there an appeals process?

Jill Baumgaertner

Kimberly Long Cockroft said...

Jill,
Thanks for your kind words. I can't think of one good thing about any of this except for the loving response of our community, near and far. Someday it will make a good essay, I dare say, or book, for that matter.