Elspeth handed me a stack of white paper, scrawled in bright colors: hearts, butterflies, riotous dresses. "This is for the children in Katie," she said, "Because they died." (Elspeth calls Haiti, Katie).
After breakfast, I held the girls and we danced together. I've danced with the girls since they were babies, to calm them, put them to sleep, wake them up, burn off energy, and just for the mighty comfort and joy of holding and moving to music, warmed by the heat of their little bodies. I've danced since I was tiny. I remember, as a toddler, sitting on our cool concrete floor in Bangladesh, shaping my fingers into the intricate positions of the Indian dancers on our little black and white TV. Dancing has always been a private way for me to process change, embrace mystery, to dwell in sadness and joy. Seeking to pray, words often feel so silly and incomplete, a flat tinny sound where I desire a ringing bell. As I danced with the girls this morning I was finally able to step into the confusing tragedy of Haiti, be in it for a few moments, and free from words, pray with the movement of my own body and through my love for my own daughters.
Later, before quiet time, Elspeth wanted to talk about the earthquake again, but instead I asked her if she wanted to pray for the people in Haiti. "Save the children," she prayed, and "Thank you for making it safe in Katie," and "For the love which from our birth," she concluded.
"For the love which from our birth" is a line from our family hymn, For the Beauty of the Earth written by Folliot Pierpoint in 1864. We've been singing it with the girls since they were little. The full first verse is: "For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies; For the love which from our birth, over and around us lies. Lord of all, to thee we raise this our hymn of grateful praise."
Amen, child. Despite of, and because of, and because I do not know what else to say to God when I am angry, overwhelmed, and confused and still filled with a love for my own which makes me ache for those who have lost everything. Still, Amen.
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8 comments:
Though I have not commented (maybe ever?) I read faithfully and am particularly grateful for this reminder of the love which from our birth. Thank you.
(I'm not a total stranger; I taught at Waynesburg three or four years back just as you were beginning this project, and Martin passed along the link.)
Peace,
Jenny Bangsund
This is lovely post, Kim. I happened to check your blog after class and was so glad to see you'd written tonight.
Martin
I loved your reflection. As our Haitian staff gathered yesterday for the first time since the quake, they geeted one another with joy simply for the surprising gift of life, they comforted and cried with one who had lost his wife and little daughter, and then they moved together to help others. It is all God's dance of love.
Jenny,
Thanks for reading and commenting. I too am grateful for Elspeth, who sometimes tells foolish falsehoods that make me laugh but often articulates deep, abiding truths which enliven my own understanding.
Dad, I really appreciate your comment and all the updates you've been sharing with us.
Kim, this was so touching. I also had an interesting talk with Mara this morning about Haiti -- she asked if it was like Hades. When I asked what she meant, she said that it sounded like the terrible, sad place in her book, called Hades. And that was a pretty hard comment to respnd to, I have to say. :)
my goddaughter has much to teach me. love her and you and miss you all.
Hi I'm Rose. I just came across your blog and I love the inspiration from your precious daughter! I too am burdened for "katie" and am drawn to prayers for the nation now!
Blessings to you!
missiontohaiti.org is the faith mission my pastor started in Hialeah some 35 years ago.
They were there when the quake hit on a regularly scheduled trip.
They stayed until they ran out of food, water and medical supplies, and were evac'd by a U.S.A.F. C130, all made it back OK. There were people literally dying in the yard of the compound that they were unable to help.
100% of the funds donated are accounted for to the penny 95% going back out into the field.
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