Put it UNDER YOUR PILLOW

A Tale
A Story of Great Woe Redeemed by an Auspicious Personage
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When Grandmama (the real one, not Elephant's) visited last week, Merry lost part of her toenail. She showed it to Grandmama, and then she put it very carefully under her pink pillow. "Maybe the Cuticle Fairy will come," she said. "Last time the Cuticle Fairy brought me a CLOCK!"

Do you know about the Cuticle Fairy? If you are ignorant, dear ones, let me fill you in on a great source of revenue (for children) and aid (for parents), that has hitherto gone unclaimed. Say your child (late at night and past her bedtime), displays an evil cuticle on her finger hanging askew in a painful fashion. Say she screams when you produce a little pair of scissors, and continues to scream generally. Say she is losing all sense of reality, that the cuticle is growing before her eyes to epic size. And then say youbegin thinking of your BBC comedy, your pajamas, your secret snacks--all these quickly fading into the horizon of your adult-only evening. Imagine then that you blurt desperately: HaveyoueverheardoftheCuticleFairy?

My dear, have you EVER heard of the Cuticle Fairy? No? Neither had Merry's preschool teachers.

Added to Canon of Fairies by Jolly Aunt: Toenail Fairy

Long, long ago, when I was yet a wee mite of a geerl, a door cruelly slammed on my big toe, rendering its armor smashed and bloody. My bubblegum-chewing, jolly aunt who wore bright lipstick and nail polish cheered me: My dear, oh my dear, put it under your pillow, and what do you think? The Toenail Fairy will come! So I did put the mangled disembodied article under my pillow, and yes, the next morning I found a lumpy packet of Sugarfree HubbaBubba in its place. What the Toenail Fairy did with all the toenails was entirely beyond me. Does she loop them into a hideous necklace like the Tooth Fairy with her chains of teeth? Does she compost her tomatoes and zinnias with the piles of toenails that she retrieves from quiet beds? Does she have a deal with the HubbaBubba corporation? All these questions did not bother me in the slightest, of course.

Added to Canon of Fairies by Desperate Mother: Cuticle Fairy

Questions did not ruffle Merry, either. She calmly extended her finger as I clipped, said brightly, "That didn't hurt a-tall!" and put the teeny tiny sliver under her pillow.

Thankfully the Cuticle Fairy had recently cleaned out the basement, and she was able to exchange a bright red Micky Mouse Clock for the measly but hard-won cuticle.

Merry responded thus the next morning: "How does a little fairy carry this?" (brandishing Micky Mouse clock)--and then that evening, "Mommy, I think I have another loose cuticle," to which I assured her the fairy only comes once in a while and probably wouldn't return until after Merry stopped biting her fingernails.

Seeing the tragic state of Merry's fingernails, this was a safe promise.

MORAL
Has anything disconnected from your body recently? Put it under your pillow, my dear, and hope for the best.