PEEVISH THINGS: Narcissitic people who talk about peevish things

I unwrapped the roots of my roses from their sodden newspaper, and then I set them to soak in the laundry tub.

Today is the day. Roses, welcome to Wazoo.

I gave Elspeth a cookie, strapped her into the backpack, grasped the all-purpose shovel we bought back in Dutch Country midUSA, and went to it. I dug the holes for the roses and then I went to digging a trench in our front yard for the hedge. I worked in close proximity to the street and I wondered what the drivers of the cars thought as they puffed exhaust in our direction.

PEEVISH THINGS: COTTAGE CHEESE, SMELL OF CANNED PEACHES, BRUSHING MY HAIR.

This is what drivers saw: Unkempt woman talking to herself as she thrusts a shovel into the wide expanse of a front lawn. Runny-nosed child high up on unbrushed woman's back eating a cookie, happily unaware of her disheveled appearance.

PEEVISH THINGS: YOUNG APARTMENT RESIDENTS UP THE STREET WHO SQUEAL THEIR TIRES AT STOP SIGN AND HONK AT ME WHEN I BEND OVER TO DIG IN FRONT FLOWERBEDS.

The residents of my neighborhood have probably drawn their own dire conclusions about my sanity already. I could feel drivers bulking last fall when I tromped out to the middle of our front lawn, armed with a wheelbarrow and piles of the Sunday newspaper. I was determined to kill enough sod for a cutting garden this summer. Wild-haired zinnias would take the place of plebeian grass! But then it was a windy day and the newspapers blew and fluttered as I scrambled for rocks to use as anchors. Merry and I scattered straw over this mess and then I covered the whole thing with a black pool tarp left behind by the previous owners of our big brick house.

It turns out that the tarp caught the sun in a blinding pool of light, and later that fall, in a fit of blindness, I ran outside and whipped off the tarp. So now, this spring, there is a faint circle in the grass as well as two long straw-newspaper graves. But mark my words, there will be zinnias.

PEEVISH THINGS: PRESCRIPTIVE BOOKS LIKE "MEN ARE FROM MARS. . ."; FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS; PEOPLE WHO MEASURE BEFORE THEY DIG.


Elspeth was still content with her cookie so we went on and began to dig a trench for the Canadian hemlocks, which are languishing in the basement like unwelcome guests. Time to be a good hostess, I thought, as I put my weight on the good old Dutch. Digging up thick sod with a toddler on your back is good exercise, let me tell you. I not only eyeballed the site for the hedge but I actually paced it out before I started digging.

Martin pulled up with Merry, back from preschool. He got out of the car. I expected some laud, but instead Martin looked critically at my trench and shook his head.

PEEVISH THINGS: PEOPLE WHO TELL ME I AM WRONG.

"That is entirely the wrong place for the hedge," he said. I swear he gets this fetish for measurement and accuracy from his father, who will go absolutely cross-eyed at something one thousandth of a millimeter askew on wall that would have never, ever bothered me in a million years. (This makes him a class A builder, electrician, plumber--a job is well done in his hands.)

Add to this that God gave Martin enormous feet that are each exactly one foot long, and you've got the kind of obsessive measurer that bewilders the rest of us eyeballers.

"Then you do it," I said. He looked at me in some exasperation.

PEEVISH THINGS: PEOPLE WHO SEND CHILDREN TO SCHOOL WITH GREEN STUFF COMING OUT THEIR NOSES.

"Did you have fun at preschool?" I asked Merry, unstrapping Elsepth from my back.

Martin was already plotting out another line for the hedge with bricks.

"Her teachers told me she had green stuff coming out her nose," he said.

One look at her handkerchief confirmed this.

"We should call the city," said Martin, "To make sure we're not about to dig up a gas line."

Okay, uncle, uncle.

Since the hemlocks were clearly not destined to make it into the ground, I piled the girls into the house.

I took a nap, and then Elspeth and I planted the roses. Of course I didn't read the directions correctly and I am convinced now, after looking at the directions again, that I planted them wrong.

PEEVISH THINGS: PEOPLE WHO WAIT AROUND FOR SOMEONE TO DO SOMETHING FOR THEM WHEN THEY CAN DO IT THEMSELVES.

Martin arrived home for dinner. I was flattened into a rocking chair. "I defrosted some ground turkey," I told him, "But I just don't know what to do with it."

After a delicious taco salad, I thanked Martin for dinner.

"Thank YOU," he said.

"For what?" I asked.

"For defrosting the turkey," he said.

"Any time." (Defrosting a tube of meat is hard work, but someone had to do it.)

PEEVISH THINGS: UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE.

Fine, then. Thank you, Martin, for your feet and for loving to cook. Thank you for revelling in the crinkle of paper as you open an instruction booklet.

Thank you, fine compulsive Dutch gardeners, for making a good shovel.

And I'll just take care of it now: thank you, all obsessive people who love the metric system. Where would we be without your glum but perfect measurements?

All is Right, All is Right: SPRING is COME

In less than an hour, SPRING will officially begin. I know it's wrong to capitalize the seasons, but in my intuitive opinion, SPRING deserves every single one of its letters celebrated. S P R I N G.

Today was the Sabbath of the winter of our sick week. Since Elspeth wailed every time I detached her from my hip, and since the sun filled our house like the smell of good cooking, I hatted and coated the girls and we went out.

We jolly well took our runny noses and went out!

In the sunlight the girls suddenly looked as pale as porcelain, and I realized how very housebound we have been of late. The sky was blue without cloud, the air was pristine as only springtime air can be, and the street was alive with the sounds of jackhammers. We paused long enough for Merry to study the gash in the road and the men in their fluorescent jackets.

Then we pushed through the snow-melt sogginess and continued on our way. As I walked, my insides, which have seemed like a small, comfortable, but dark hovel, started to expand. Each breath I took pushed at my shadowed corners, until soon the sun was warming a cathedral inside of me; light flooded through the windows and made colored patterns on the floor and walls of my spirit.

Ah, SPRING.

When we finally reached home, we found the world celebrating in small and jolly ways. A crocus, yellow as butter, opened her mouth in a long, relieved exhalation:


An earthworm basked in the young sunshine, a great long fleshy earthworm whom Merry threatened to pluck. I yelled jealously, "No, don't touch him!" (Every gardener guards her earthworms well).
Even Elspeth's spirits were improved, and she toddled contently around the sun room as I clicked holiday pictures. Maybe I should have been watching her more carefully, as

Elspeth further celebrated SPRING by sucking out much of the contents of Merry's paint container.

The label stipulated chokable parts but contained no information on the consequences of ingesting the paint itself, so I swiped her mouth and hoped for the best.

SPRING so imbibed me with good will and hunger that I actually cooked dinner instead of asking Martin for sustenance when he returned home. . .teriyaki chicken, rice, giddy stalks of bright green broccoli. Near the end of the extravaganza I near removed the tip of my finger on the edge of a tin can. As I wrapped my bloody finger in paper towels I questioned the virtue of cooking at all.

But dinner was delicious, my finger is wrapped safely, Elspeth is sleeping, Merry is receiving a lecture from her father, and SPRING has officially begun. All then is right with the world.

In Celebration of All That's Petty (and a Few Things That Aren't)

GOLD TOE SOCKS: AMAZON: (5 CUSTOMER REVIEWS)

This morning found Merry, Elspeth and me sorting through a sea of mismatched socks in time Chattanooga ChooChoo. Pardon me, boys. . .

Estranged socks drive my sister batty, so it's a good thing she doesn't live with the mountains of single socks that mark my failed attempts at organized laundry. I've taken to pairing socks that look somewhat alike (patterned and patterned, pink and pink, etc.); Merry and Elspeth certainly don't care.

She's gonna cry till I tell her that I'll never roam. . .

Look, when you're in college you vow NEVER to be taken over by the petty cares of the world. No siree-Bob, you're going to rise above the rat race scrambling around like idjits squeezing tubes of toothpaste from the end and separating laundry and sorting silverware into little sections in kitchen drawers. You're going to shake, rattle and roll the world, baby. There will be absolutely no time for folding fitted sheets or paying bills.

Hah! But now you're out of college and one night when you're all grown up, you catch yourself writing a review on an ice cream scoop on Amazon.com. What's the matter with you? Not rattled the world's teeth yet? You've settled for a moment of fame on Amazon as you wax eloquent on your favorite forged steel ice cream scoop. Very nice. There are your ideals, swirling down the drain.

And as you consider many things, such as what cycle to dry your new wrinkle-free pants on, and how many days elapse before Netflix will send you your new film, and whether or not the kid's sheets really need to be changed more than every month, you feel your nose quivering with the inevitable sprouting of whiskers. You've joined the rat race.

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But only occasionally am I the rat in the maze, sniffing out cheesey nibbles and reading the backs of boxes for sodium content and transfat. Other times I actually take the time to read books or listen to good poetry, like

Gary Soto. What a breath of fresh air his poems are! Martin read them out loud to me last night. Soto will blow the top off your head. His narratives, if you can use such a heavy term for his precise, spare language, are startling in their layered transcendence. That sounds like a bunch of gobbelty-gook, so just let me say: if you want to read some really terrific poetry and have a good time doing it, read Gary Soto.

And here's the rundown on NPR's weekend music. In the future, I'll let Martin guest write this feature since he's genius-musicman. But for now,

Check out The Magic Numbers, a brother-sister, brother-sister group from UK. If you want to kick back and enjoy yourself or if you've got a long drive, you'll love their easy-going 60's vibe. And their songs are diverse enough that you won't tire of them. I'm the kind of person who goes for a CD out of pure enjoyment, and I can see myself wearing out The Magic Numbers' jewelcase. Four to five stars.

Stuff your ears with cotton balls before you listen to Tina Dico. Dico channels an Alanis Morissette sound accompanied by all the self indulgence and pseudo poetry that makes me cringe. Apparently Dico's passed up Coldplay and U2 in her native Denmark--chalk it up to personal taste but I find her groaning sound grating and (as Martin says) her cliched "Long Goodbye" definitive of her music in general. One star.

In contrast, Cara Dillon's got a clear, lovely sound that will knock your socks off. This singer-songwriter from Ireland is a pure pleasure to listen to, not just for her unaffected voice but for her thoughtful lyrics (she writes about topics like immigration, etc.). Though I think she could stick with more of an unadorned acoustic sound instead of the distraction of occasional orchestral swells, I give her four stars.

Oh, and here's an up and coming artist you shouldn't miss. Merry. She's already got a selection of songs and her album cover. (Check out Uncle Luke who sings background).

Stuck in House but Not Glued to Roof

Merry dreaming: Yes, summer will come.

From the second-story office window I look down to the land far below, dull green in patches where the snow is melting. Swollen with brown snow melt, the creek furrows a flickering line between the yard and a thickly forested steep slope. A bare-limbed tree waves to me outside my window, where just a moment ago a pretty brown bird was spitting out a little song.

A few short weeks will pass, and suddenly I will look out my window and see green, green, green.

But for now, March is still wintry. The wee Canadian hemlocks and the roses with a mass of naked claw-like roots sleep snug in the basement. Elsepth is still sick and she sleeps much of the day congested and worn out in her crib. Merry is sniffly, Martin and I are still in our clothes from last night. We all seem to be waiting, and the waiting is not so bad. Martin and I have both had lots of time to work on our books, and it's comforting to type away side by side into the late hours of the night.

Yesterday we opened an unexpected box from my cousin in Virginia: packets and packets of Indian spices! Delightful! Cumin, coriander, paprika, whole cloves. Martin packed them gently into a basket. They are sleeping, too, promises of flavor explosions confined within their plastic packets, waiting to be ripped open, spilling out on lamb and potatoes and onions. Their time will come. The garden's time will come. My time will come.

Well, Elspeth is awake. Time to fasten her to my hip and find a sunny spot in the house.

When was summer? The greens and warmths and long days of summer start feeling like a dream right about now. . .

Last Note: But though we are sick and stuck at home, at least we didn't glue ourselves to the roof "like a beetle." (See STORY OF MAN GLUED TO ROOF). We should count ourselves as greatly fortunate.

Nibble, Nibble, This and That

I am full of good things and I wanted to spread a tasting table for you:

MUST-SEE NEW MUSIC
Matisyahu. Orthodox Jewish Rapper. Need I say more? Go and watch his "Jerusalem" (click on "Matisyahu," above).

GOOD BOOKS LATELY READ

Sandra Cisneros' Woman Hollering Creek
I hadn't picked this up in a long time, but in Arizona I plunged into the often lyrical, imagistic writing that Cisneros masters so well. Add to this that her stories are often as short as a page and a half, and add to this that her characters are engaging and engrossing, and most of her stories stylistically hit slam-wham on the head, and you've got yourself a good read.


Wendell Berry's Hannah Coulter
W. B. is known most widely for his essays, and there's a good reason for this. However, I thoroughly enjoyed this fictional work; WB sketched the character of this mother, farm owner, wife, and hard worker well. Some passages, (the last page of the book where Hannah Coulter dies, for example) are lovely and convincing. You never forget it's Wendell Berry writing; if you want a gentle impression of the prophet's philosophies, pick up this book.

Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children
I did not expect to find Rushdie so accessible and engrossing. But I did. Combine politics, humor, quirky characters, a twisting plot, violence, philosophy, supernatural and religious experience, history, imagination, lyricism, and the longest sentence I have ever read in my life, and you've experienced just a little bit of Midnight's Children. I never expected to laugh out loud and then be so disturbed as I was while I travelled through this book. It made me stay up far too late, and that's a sign of a good story.

ENCHANTING MOVIES
Let me just say: Miyazaki. I've never gone absolutely gaga-waga about anime, but on the recommendation of friends with taste we ordered Tatoro and Kiki's Delivery Service from Netflix. We were not disappointed, and although I felt Merry might be frightened by Spirited Away, the other two were child-friendly and charming.

A few things I really love about Miyazaki:
scenery of his films, especially the clouds and trees
strong, courageous female characters
good story line
supernatural worked seamlessly (and unspookily) into everyday existence
celebration and respect of the natural world
celebration and respect of the elderly
way the characters giggle at odd times (at least to the Western ear)

There's one scene in Totoro (the stronger movie of the two) that set me laughing out loud in sheer delight, when the spirits and the children are bowing at chestnuts as they sprout and bloom. It's absolutely magical. The father character is Totoro is exceptional; a favorite scene of mine takes place in the bath while he and his two daughters guffaw at the top of their lungs to chase the soot mites. If you want a numinous experience, order a Miyazaki film as soon as you can.

Thought I Was Dreaming of the Moon

"Last night I thought I was dreaming of the moon," says Merry, "But actually I was gagging."

Merry somehow characterized the low point of my day today, when everything felt like coming up the wrong way--Elspeth's awful cold and her inability to be awake without being held, some disappointing news about my book, NO COFFEE, and a huge snow in March. Sometimes I think with glowering brows about St. Paul, who in my opinion has caused sore trouble for the world (even my conservative grandmother said she would sort him out when she got to heaven). Some days I think, whoever said "victorious life" can stick it up their wazoo, if you know what I mean.

Today I received my first shipment from Gurney's. Inside the long cardboard box I found five lovely little Canadian hemlock trees. Their roots were wrapped compactly in wet newspaper and plastic. The notice inside read:

Your Plants are Speaking to You!
We are currently dormant, having been properly harvested and stored throughout the winter.
So please, as soon as possible, plant us in some good soil and water us liberally immediately after planting.
We are ready to wake up and grow for you for many years to come.

Well, little hemlocks, one look at White Wazoo Farm and I'm afraid you know the answer. Yes, dormant for a while longer. Sleep happy in your cardboard coffin.

Spring really is coming.

Open my box, and my label might read: Please, as soon as possible, plant me in some good soil and water me immediately after planting. I am ready to wake up!

As SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Yes, yes, spring really IS coming. You promise?

Bells on Her Toes, And That's All

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I was recently romanced by the sheer beauty of this nursery rhyme. Of course I've heard it since I was a child, and in all likelihood, you have too. But as the strains of "Ride a toy horse" filled our house yesterday afternoon, I realized for the first time what a sparkling little gem this nursery rhyme is. It's not clunky like Humpty Dumpty or smart-alecky like Little Jack Horner. It's whimsical and lyrical:

Ride a cockhorse to Banbury Cross
To see a fine lady upon a white horse
With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
She shall have music wherever she goes.

I began conjuring up a faint picture of the lady, rings glittering on her fingers, bells jingling on her toes. I knew she must have historical significance, so I jolly well looked her up.

The most accepted story behind the fine lady includes Queen Elizabeth I of England traveling on her magnificent white horse to view a stone cross at Banbury. She gleamed with fine jewels, and minstrels accompanied her in splendid regalia as she condescended her attention on the little town of Banbury. The impressive cross at Banbury was later desecrated by anti-Catholics in one of the many bloody Prot.-Cath. conflicts.

Bells on her toes? If you were a queen, my dear, you were allotted bells on your elegant little shoes.

Very nice.

I did find an origin to the nursery rhyme that rather suits my style better, and I've been saving the best for last.

Long ago, Lady Godiva had rather an unfortunate husband. Leofric, Earl of Mercia, though he may have been a decent chap in other respects (unlikely), decided his tenants needed to pay more from their shallow pockets into his coffers. He imposed a terrible tax.

Lady Godiva advocated for the poor people until finally Leofric pulled his brows together, sputtered through his sherry: "Blast it, Godiva, I'll tell you what I'll do. Ride naked through Coventry, and you'll have your way, [irritating wench]."

So what did she do, this fine Lady Godiva?

You got it. Saddled up the white horse and mounted him stark naked. The folk in Coventry stayed indoors, but you can bet they were making plenty of music behind their curtains.

And Leofric lifted the tax.

Now, whenever you sing the old nursery rhyme, you might want to think of Queen Elizabeth in all her stately finery. But I will be singing it to my daughters with a triumphant swing, and raising my glass to naked Lady Godiva.

--Pic. Sources (in order:)http://www.rootsweb.com/~engcbanb/fairlady/page1.htm; http://www.rhymes.org.uk/ride_a_cock_horse.htm
--Lady Godiva story found www.indianchild.com/history_origins_nursery_ryhmes.htm

New Book Review

Make sure you read WC Long's new book review on Mark Twain's Joan of Arc. (Look under "More Fun" post below).

Babies, Children, Dogs, My Mother Have More FUN

Merry dances, singing along with the words of Fly Me to the Moon. Her hands are clasped in front of her, knees bending as she steps back and forth to the rhythm. Elspeth and I are watching her through the crack in the pocket doors. I'm afraid that when Merry sees us she'll become self-conscious and stop her performance.

Let me see what life is like on Jupiter and Mars. . .

Elspeth knows nothing about surreptitious watching. Soon she begins struggling to get down and I pull the pocket doors open, sure that Merry's earnest face will quickly crinkle into an embarrassed smile.

In other words, hold my hand. . .

Merry surprises me. She doesn't flinch at our entrance. She just sings on, and if anything, she's even more animated.

Children. We adults stand in awe and some jealousy at the wonderful turn of their imaginations, their sheer delight that is not compromised by the presence of others. (Didn't Madeleine L'Engle say she really DID float down her grandmother's stairs?) I don't want to see Merry's ability to engage fully in a moment crack as she becomes older.

Of course mine did. It took me a whole pile of painful adolescent years until I was able to act without agonizing over myself. I could have been in the middle of the woods on a hike and still labor under the illusion that I was being watched, weighed, and measured.

People seem to have this crippling self-awareness in different measures. Okay--right now, take your self-consciousness and subtract it from yourself. What you have left over is the amount of sheer FUN you will glean from life. It follows, then, that babies, children, dogs, and my mother have a bigger allotment of FUN than do the rest of us.

My mother used to come to our classes in late elementary school at Thanksgiving to tell the story of the Mayflower. She would roll popcorn balls for our class the night before, and then, as I sat in the front row, she'd don an old cap over her brown hair. Suddenly she would be Frances, young girl on the Mayflower ship, rolling with the ocean waves and eating weevil-bread. Most of me was wildly proud of my mother as I helped to hand out popcorn balls after her dramatic soliloquy. But a tiny part of me was embarrassed at the carefree way she lunged her face toward the audience, the way she folded her hands and squeezed them between her knees. My classmates just thought I had a great mom.

My mother is a powerful storyteller and speaker. One of the biggest reasons for this is that she doesn't get in the way. When she speaks, you let her words and the images she unfolds wrap around your imagination like huge wings. And as you listen, you fly with her story. There is no snuffling, pretentious person getting in the way, only the voice bearing the words; there are no false apologies or self-conscious gestures to make you remember that the story that so intrigues you is coming from a very talented storyteller. You only remember my mother when the story is over. See, THAT's the mark of a good storyteller.

My mother is able to live life this way, too. She always had enough spontaneity to more than cover the rest of us self-conscious, serious sods. If I want a real reaction, I go to my mother.

Most of my life, I strove to be just as spontaneous as my mother. But of course you see the problem already.

I'm a limp, failed storyteller. When I tell a joke I mix up all the details and let the punchline slip early. I apologize for myself and make my listeners wait while I retrieve a word that slipped out of my head and into the abyss. Writing is the only way I can chuck myself completely out of the way. I write, or I hope to write, like my mother speaks. Often I live life standing to the side of myself, jotting down notes to use later. Some of my most genuine spontaneity occurs when I sit down with those notes and begin to relive them on a page.

This is not always true, and certainly having children has loosened me up and stretched me out (in more ways than one). Watching your own children brings back much of the excitement and selflessness of your own childhood.

Elspeth, my one year old, loves with great spontaneity. She toddles across the room and throws her arms around my neck. And parent love is also spontaneous. My love rushes unbidden from my pores, seeping into her little body and strengthening her for all of life. In this way, in this artless love, I am just like my mother.

CONTRIBUTOR REVIEW: JOAN OF ARC BY MARK TWAIN

Joan of Arc

Mark Twain
Ignatius Press; New Ed edition (September 1989)


For someone familiar with Twain, this novel will seem a bit odd as it has none of his classic wit or biting sarcasm. Indeed, it was originally published under a pseudonym because Twain thought that people would expect these things from it and be disappointed. To be truly honest, this reviewer understands Twain’s reluctance to be associated with it, as this foray outside of his usual writing style was not his best work.

The narrator of the story is eighty-year-old man writing to his grandnephews. He was a childhood friend of Joan’s, who later became her secretary, and finally the recorder at her final trial, and thus represents a firsthand witness to all the important events of Joan’s life. His narration is colored throughout the story by an almost idolatrous esteem for Joan; he never married and it is suggested that this is because he never found a woman who could live up to her. This esteem is not a problem in itself; indeed, the reader can hardly help but admire Joan nearly as much as the narrator does. The problem is that the admiration taints the style of the storytelling. The narrator is constantly padding every part of his story with extraneous praise for Joan; barely an incident passes without him adding a comment reminding the reader that what Joan had done only served to highlight what a sublime creature she was. This is disappointing because Joan’s character is perfectly obvious from the story itself, and the added commentary only distracts. One only needs to be shown; the telling is redundant and tedious.
A second problem of the style is that the reader is never excited by what happens in the story. A good writer of historical fiction should make events of the past seem as thrilling as they were when they first happened, even if the reader knows how the story ended. Alas, Twain seems incapable of making any of the many battle scenes exciting, which is a pity as there are so many of them. The main problem is that the reader is consistently told what the outcome of all the events is going to be well beforehand, and it is usually oft repeated. Joan is injured in one battle, and he lets us know about the wound-to-be three weeks ahead of time, repeating the news of its advent so often that by the time she is actually struck by the crossbow bolt the reader is simply relieved.

The book is not without merit, however. Twain meticulously researched the subject before writing the story, reading the official records of Joan’s several trials, as well as many accounts of her life from both the French and English perspectives. So while the style may be wanting, the story itself seems as faithful to the record as possible, and thus gives the reader a fascinating glimpse into this little part of history. More importantly, what emerges from the story is the giant character of Joan herself and the model of faith and hope that she was. This seems to be what fascinated Twain about the story; he saw in Joan a larger-than-life persona and a faith that he could not entirely understand, and he wanted to capture that in a story. In this he succeeds, and the story, for all its stylistic flaws, is worth reading if only because Joan, at least as she is portrayed by Twain, is a person worth understanding and admiring.

--Reviewed by William Christopher Long
W. C. Long is, at this VERY moment, finishing his PhD in Marine Biology at VIMs University in Virginia. When asked what the heck he really does with all his time, Chris wrote: "To be pedantic, I take the clams, and mark them (the shells have to be dry otherwise the sharpies won't work) and then transplant them into the murky black York River." In his leftover time, WC enjoys his adventerous daughter and her as-yet invisible sibling.

Teach your Kids Violence: Read them the Old Testament

Last August. We sat out on the porch, basking in the late summer warmth and enjoying a quiet dinner. The coal mine groaned from across the valley but our neighborhood smelled like newly-mown grass. Merry was four.

We had company. Merry, big lovely eyes luminescent in the early twilight, looked up from her plate. "Guess what Elephant did now?" she began. (Elephant is Merry's alter ego in a parallel universe called Cornia.) Our guests listened politely. "He went into the dark dark woods, but then there was a wolf."

Since we are not feeding you dinner, let me make a long, long story short: Elephant defends himself by many means that prove futile. Finally, Elephant cuts off the wolf's head and totes it home triumphantly. Oh, fraptious day! Elephant has slain the wolf! Elephant swings in the door, announcing, "WOLF HEAD for DINNER TONIGHT!" I do believe I've left out other gory details. Needless to say our guests were well entertained and probably concluded we were bad parents who let Merry stay up watching late TV.

But everything Merry ever learned about violence (barring a couple bang-bang-you're-deads from two boys with plastic pistols) she learned from pouring over her children's copy of the Old Testament.

Today at lunch Merry paused in the middle of her peanut-butter and marmalade sandwich. "Mommy?"

Oh, blast. Merry regularly asks things like how a bathtub is built, the existence of Jesus, why did God make mosquitoes. Merry seems to believe I am an endless fount of trivia and general knowledge and her questions are far-ranging, covering more than spirituality and engineering.

"Yes?"

"Mommy, how did that little rock kill Goliath?"

I opened the door to the little storeroom where we keep compost. A musty odor filled my nostrils. Banana peels, coffee grounds. "Well, maybe it was a sharp rock, like a knife."

"But how did David know he would kill Goliath?"

"Well, I guess sometimes you just have to do the right thing even if you don't know whether it will work out or not."

As Elspeth spit out apple peels and flung bread to the ground, I realized my answer was problematic and poor. Maybe you have some good reasons as to why this answer stunk, and I have mine.

First, I hate answering in the same old cliches that parents always are guilty of on Hallmark TV and bad movies.

Second, we are pacifists. I had just told my daughter that an exceedingly violent act was the right thing to do.

Third, the sentence itself was badly constructed. Pauline-like prepositions, run-on, readability--definitely F.

Fourth. Hmmm. Well, depending on what you believe, there's a fourth. I happen to be from the camp of people that believes that most faith "giants" were real, quaking people inside somewhere. Maybe you think David had the faith to know everything would work out in the end. I don't even think Jesus knew for sure when he was about to die that everything would definitely work out. He acted out of obedience and love, not out of knowledge.

But I digress.

Merry ate her sandwich in silence. Was she turning over the inadequacy of my blithe answer?

Instead, she opened her mouth to ask another question. Very probably it was about one of her favorite Bible characters, "Bad-Man-Herod" or Sampson. Instead she said, "That place where Daddy keeps his tractor is a PIG-STY."

Ah, delight in children. Most often Merry is quick to point out my inconsistencies. But here she did not. There are only three things I do not allow into the house: play guns, Barbies (equally if not more harmful in an insidious way), and dirty shoes.

But at Merry's request I read her the Old Testament. Of course stories have conflict and often have heroes and villains and the fight between good and evil. But the difference here is the issue of Merry's spiritual heritage. When reading Merry the Old Testament, I am in a mindset of my Sunday School lessons, blowing my trumpet for the fall of the wall of Jericho; cutting off Goliath's head in glad victory; crushing my enemies with the mighty sword of Jehovah. (Certainly every tender child felt the weight of Jael's hammer as she drove the tent peg through the general's temple--oh, wait. Actually, that story is not in Merry's Bible. Neither Jael or Rahab make it to the pages. But Delilah does, of course. No Bible, not even a children's Bible, could leave out a tasty morsel like Delilah.)

I do not say, as I say every time we talk about violence on the news or in the course of life, "That is a sad way to deal with a problem, isn't it, Merry?" Instead there is the implicit message that Samson was a HERO, tearing down those temple walls and smashing all those people in the ruins. GOOD JOB, Samson!

Then there follows this strange dichotomy I often see in conservative Christian households.
Sex on TV? Superbad. Violence? The more the better!
Feminism? Lies. Subordination of women? God-given right.
Gay marriage? An abomination. War that kills innocent people? Justified.
Money spent on welfare? A waste. Billions on bombs and military? Worth it.

But I didn't mean to get so negative. Count the above as a rant born from the frustration of a person who is tired of the way things are but doesn't know all the answers, either.

Merry's question sparked by a child's Old Testament reminded me of the discomfort I feel with this idea: the divine entitlement to victory for "God's people" through bloodshed. It is a lie that has haunted America since the beginning of our country when the Native Americans were robbed of their land. It is a lie that continues to haunt us now as more innocents die in Iraq. When did we forget that we are all God's people, and all deserving of peace?

Merry sang a song at bedtime today. Imposing my mother's perspective on her song I hope it is about God's Kingdom of peace on earth (whether she knows it or not!):

The seeds have to be spread in gardens
And the plants will sprout and finally bloom
The vision of God's day has bloomed.
God is the bloomer of each day. . .
The most thing that we have to do to please God
Is to be kind to other people
For the God the only Son is in my heart all day and all night.


P.S. More on Arizona is forthcoming, I promise; I'm just waiting for pictures!

White Witch Snapped Like Dirty Laundry

Spring makes me want to gather up my house in my arms. Ah, it's laundry day for the house once again. I'll take the house to the back stoop and snap it out in the bright spring sunshine. The house crevices, hiding a season's worth of cracker crumbs, mouse droppings, layers of winter dust, toddler germs--all will be shaken clean! Begone, nasty old winter! And then I'll fold up the house like a bright white sheet, a crisp fresh tablecloth, and bring it indoors again. White Witch has been banished into a dark corner of the world. Her strength is broken, her mind awhirl with "might-have-beens."

Okay, winter wasn't that bad. All the same I am grateful for the thaw, for the little spiky heads of the crocus bulbs, for my neighbor who I haven't seen in six months. She finally ventured out with her little dog, fingers clasped around a cup of hot tea, to survey her yard. We were such good friends last summer. Perhaps we will be good friends again as temperatures rise.

Wazoo Farm looks rumpled and soggy. It has been sleeping for a long time. There are signs of wakefulness, though--a dead robin under a barelimbed bush, small deposits of deer droppings, fledgling stinging nettles in the grass. Yes, it's not the most giddy picture of spring, but it's spring nonetheless.

Today at lunch Merry said:
I heard at the beginning of Cinderella an ad that said, Who Will Save the World? [She paused, puzzled, then continued:] The WORLD doesn't need saving, Mommy. PEOPLE need saving.

The old Bible verse I've known since I was two began climbing its way hand over fist up my throat and onto my tongue. But I didn't say it. So, look you here: the world is saved, in a timeless kind of way. Yes, the world is mixed up with the confused intentions of people. (There is early tender spring and a rotting dead robin.) There is war, the product of confused and lonely people.

But then, the world is lovely, is breathtaking, as gentle and cool as the last sliver of ice melting into my garden soil.

Hurrah for spring.

Home

Home again, Home again, clippity-clop. At three or so this morning we finally pulled into our driveway. Both girls were asleep and Martin and I were close to delirium.

There are several pieces of good news.

One. No mice, and no mice droppings. (Upon return after last trip, Martin found three corpses in varying states of decomposition).

Two. A really lovely letter from my college writing mentor about my book.

Three. A beautiful, sunny, throw-open-the-windows day today.

Four. We were not blown up by creepy unibomber look-alike on last flight from Midway-Chicago.

I don't think I am an overly paranoid person. Granted, we had cajoled two children through an endless web of airport check-in and security, and soothed them through two flights already.

So we were finally boarding our last plane from Chicago-Midway to home. We were grateful though apprehensive of the late hour and the state of two over-tired children. At least Southwest is the airline with a heart, and they still do the morally correct thing and let families with small children (often on the brink of insanity) board early.

But this flight had holdovers from the plane's last destination. We tripped onto the plane, loaded with computer-, diaper-, snack- bags, wild-eyed one year old and bleary five-year old. There is a camaraderie between all preboarders (heavily pregnant women and loaded-down parents), and we enjoyed the glow as we walked past the shiny-bald flight attendant and onto the plane.

But then, slouching into his seat, encased in the hood of his University of California-Berkeley sweatshirt, a chap in large glasses in the front row gave me pause. I was not judging merely based on appearances. But as I passed with Elspeth on my hip, he let forth a great HISSSSSSS. Indeed, he hissed as Merry passed. Another sweet-cheeked little boy followed us. The hooded man put out his index finger and curled it as if to say FORWARD. And as this sweet little boy passed, he again HISSSSSSed.

It was a full flight. This hissing man was sitting in the front row, primo-seat with lots of leg room, but the two seats beside him were among the last to be filled. I don't think he hissed at all people who passed him, only children, but I can't be sure. One thing was clear: he was sending crazy vibes.

After take-off, this man disappeared into the bathroom and stayed there for a long, long time. Sitting in my seat, breastfeeding Elspeth for the umpteenth time and drinking yet another CranApple juice, I imagined the hisser bent over the bathroom sink, concocting a wildly clever bomb. Or perhaps he would burst out of the bathroom past the bald flight attendant and make a bee-line for my children, yelling incoherent threats.

I planned what I would do if these things were to happen. There comes a time in every exhausted mother's life where she imagines crazy things and then plans what crazy things she will do in response. Martin sipped club soda and wrestled the Sudoku puzzle beside me. He was unconcerned though he did admit the hisser had an uncanny resemblance (only beard lacking) to the unibomber. People are strange, he said, and flipped to the next in-flight magazine puzzle.

Of course he was right. The hisser did not do more than hiss. And I am glad, because my plans for making a great scene in case of emergency were vague at best. Yes, people are odd. And I am included.

Our home airport, when we arrived, was cavernous and echoed in the odd way airports do after midnight. Olympic-Opening-Theme music boomed over the loudspeakers as I carried a sleeping five-year old though the wide deserted terminal. Two men mopped the floor of the food court. Magazines and merchandise stared out at us through the metal teeth of their after-hour grates.

And then, much much later, Martin and I plunged into the cool darkness of the eastern night and drove through the bare-bone forested highways toward home.

Bed never feels so good as after a long absence. We had a wonderful, dream-like vacation in the west, and we hope we carried the spirit of that wide-open place home with us. Home. Our pillows were deep and our own house friendly in the early morning darkness. We had not been blown up, we had not fallen asleep on the way home, and our children were quiet and in their own beds. Thanks be.

Flagstaff. Groovy.

Missoula, Montana. Say it. Do you see that faraway, dreamy look that steals over our faces? It is the same look you see on the visages of people remembering their first true love, first tender steak, first grilled portabello.

Missoula, destination of hippies, drifters, students, Subaru-drivers, skiers, dog-lovers, bong-users. Martin and I arrived there long, long ago, before children. We fell in love with the Mission Mountains and the vegan Indian food and the way Missoula was like a big hand, opening to ideas and art and searchers. We loved the mountains and the hippies that drove SUVs and the bakeries and breweries. We mostly loved being new adults, far away from our pasts, in the midst of exciting people who wanted to hike and chat and fill growlers full of beer.

Missoula, as I said, is many worlds away now. But we remembered it with a bemused longing when we arrived in Flagstaff, Arizona. Flag, as the locals say, is overlooked by the stunning San Francisco peaks. The train clatters by with regularity. Today I saw a man in dreadlocks driving a vintage car accompanied by a shaggy dog panting into the wind from the seat beside him. Women on bicycles wear imported Indian blouses. You can walk to organic food, Indian food, Thai food, you name it--and have a cup of coffee at every corner. Whiffs of incense curl around young men with disheveled hair with their laptops and unwashed shirts and Birkenstocks.

Ah, I thought, as a dreadlocked woman in Indian headscarf checked us out of the organic foods market, it all fits so well. The sunshine, the mountains, the extreme sport shops, everyone in sandals drinking designer coffee. This is our kind of place.

Did I mention that Sedona, with its stunning red rocks and sylvan hikes, is only forty-five minutes away?

Of course, like Missoula, Flagstaff is practically unaffordable. Everyone and her dog wants to live there. And I'm happy to be going home tomorrow to PA. Yeah, Arizona is something out of our early-morning dreams, tinged with the smell of good coffee and drifts of sunlight over our pillows. But we'd miss the hills, and the gray winter that makes us scream for spring, and the mellow summers, and deciduous trees. And as I told Martin, wouldn't we get tired of being around so much total coolness ALL the time?

I want to tell you more about Arizona. I want to show you pictures. And I will. But for now, plan a trip to Flagstaff. When you get here, strap on your sandals. Find some good sushi, and drink some good dark coffee. Send me a postcard.